Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

My heart
my heart feels
my heart feels heavy
but maybe that’s nothing new

My head
my head thinks
my head thinks this could be a bad idea
but then I get another look at you

My arms
my arms reach
my arms reach out to hold you
and I can’t believe you’re there

My eyes
my eyes see
my eyes see possibility in you
but I wonder if you even care

My lips
my lips move
my lips move but no sounds come out
because I don’t have the nerve to let you know

My mind
my mind races
my mind races with thought of us
but how can I make it be so?

Your voice
your voice speaks
your voice speaks right to my soul
and I’m about to lose control

My heart
my heart feels
my heart feels things I cannot say
but words would just get in the way — anyway

You know how I feel
this ain’t no break it deal
but a make it deal
you say it’s too late to feel
anything else

I know it’s not easy
I know that I’m to blame
what I’m asking for
is a lot of hard work
and we may never be the same
Still

What I’ve said to you
is nothing but true
we can make it through
why not give it a shot
if there’s nothing left to lose?

I know it’s not easy
I know that I’m to blame
what I’m asking for
is a lot of hard work
and we may never be the same
Still

When it comes to love
why are we giving up
when you’d called me the one
how could we ever be done
so easily?

I know it’s not easy
I know that I’m to blame
what I’m asking for
is a lot of hard work
and we may never be the same
Still

the clock’s ticking down
while you’re not around
I can’t pretend
that I even understand

I know you don’t know how
or even where to begin
what I’m asking for
is a long road ahead
but worth it in the end

sometimes i like to speak in code
shout to the world everything
i have bottled up inside
but no one will know
sometimes I just need to
shout and vent and rave and rant
and get these god damned thoughts
out of the swirling vortex that has
become my mind
sometimes there is no one who
will benefit from harsh words
or choked back sobs
but I need to set them free anyway
so I speak in code
not because I am confused
but because I am experiencing such clarity
that would be hard for most
to even imagine
sometimes i have to open my mouth
because if I don’t use my voice outside of myself
my inner dialogue will drive me mad
sometimes I need to speak with you
but I cannot reach you directly
so I send my message out into the universe
hoping and praying that you will get it
knowing that you will understand that
sometimes I speak in code

it is difficult to say
when things went wrong
or maybe they just were
never completely right
all along.
it is difficult to say
to myself that this is not the end
of me even if I am wrong
even if it is the end of us.
it is difficult to say
“No”
when all I want it to say
“Yes”
to you,
to your love
and your loving touch.
it is difficult to say
“Let’s not make this confused”
when I would gladly
take that confusion for
just a little bit of you.
it is difficult to say
“I’m sorry” and
“I was wrong” and
“I know better now” and
mean it enough
to convince you
of my sincerity.
it is difficult to say
“Now is the time for change”
when I have been so comfortable
finding comfort even in the negative
without worrying whether or not
i will lose myself in all this.
it is difficult to effect change
in these unsure times.
it is difficult for you to say
either way
to make that life altering decision.
but it is not difficult to know
this is what I have to do
and what I will do
if you allow me to.

unplug the clock
because it must be wrong
there are too many words
needing to be said
but not enough time
and the minutes fly by
turning into hours
and all i’ve managed to say
are all the wrong things
wasted time
but the seconds tick by
s l o w l y
when you are not here
and all i can do is think
and thinkthinkthink
about what if
and all the wrong turns
we’ve taken
and i am all alone inside my head
i have no control
over any of these forces
or my own thoughts
there’s so many so clear now
and i wish i could tell you
with this clarity
but i see you and it puddles away
unreachable in some far corner
in the back of my mind
and i can feel it there
and it only makes me angrier
because I know I am wrong
but I can’t stop it
just like I can’t stop you now
and I can’t stop the clock
from lying to me
maybe it’s not us
maybe time is the problem
maybe the clock is the enemy

Who are these people
yelling and screaming
kicking and hurting
pushing eachother away?
with every word
another blow
to a deflated ego
another crack
in a broken heart
who are these people
insensitive fools
slinging thoughtless words?
where are we
in moments like these?
surely these people
fighting so hard
crying tears so hot
throats so hoarse
so ignorant to the truth
cannot possibly be
you and me?
don’t we know
that we are different
not like that in the least
we are full of love
compassion and
understanding for one another
we could never succumb
to such mindlessness
counterproductive activity
we are not that
ridiculous
tell me that
those people are
not us

weight
not the kind that suffocates
but the kind that reminds me
that you are here
and real
and still here
weight, so reassuring
and solid
it grounds me
(as much as anything ever has)
keeps my feet planted on the earth
you lean against me
ad i feel your weight
it assures me that I can breathe
I don’t need to hold my breath
anymore
your weight
gives me air

slave
the way you looked
leaning toward the wall
arms above your head
water splashing across your skin
down your legs
to swirl around us
you remained
helpless to my mercy
so beautiful
enticing me
inviting me
to taste you
to use you
to hurt you
to possess you
your greatest gift
is yourself

There is a local haiku contest going on and I’d like to participate. Entrants can send up to 4 haiku. Please review the haiku here and vote for your favourite!

Also, one more haiku for your enjoyment and consideration:

“All you need is love”
The Beatles sang years ago
Today it’s still true

a familiar tune plays in the back of her mind
a song from a far away place and a far away time
and though she cannot places its name
she knows it, hums along anyway

she can try but inside she knows
she’ll never forget all her sorrows
hidden from thought, they always reappear
next time, she vows, to bury them deeper

a soft, summer scent carried on the breeze
and his mind becomes ill at ease
wrapped up tightly in a lover’s embrace
he barely remembers her angel’s face

he can try but inside he knows
he’ll never forget all his sorrows
hidden from sight, they always reappear
next time, he vows, to bury them deeper

a lone shot rings out somewhere in the dark
so abrupt it nearly stops his heart
his pulse quickens and his vision turns red
a memory of one who should still be dead

he can try but inside he knows
he’ll never forget all his sorrows
in the middle of the night, they always reappear
next kill, he vows, he’ll bury him deeper

you can try but inside you know, I know
we can never forget our sorrows
hidden as they may be
they come back to haunt me
never knowing then they’ll reappear
next time, I vow, I’ll bury them deeper