Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

There is no substitute for you

no matter where I go or what I do

This house can’t feel like home

and I’m always alone

I didn’t mean for you to be

the hook upon I’d hang my dreams

Resting so precariously

How very foolish of me

You were the light in the dark

the only one to pierce my heart

Finally I felt alive

Imaginging you by my side

Didn’t see you walk right up

Can I even justify my love?

Had this broken heart for so long

How many months since you’ve been gone?

I didn’t mean for you to be

the hook upon I’d hang my dreams

Resting so precariously

How very foolish of me

And I have so much to say

about how you made me feel this way

Straight to the heart of the things

but you’re not listening

Did I think we’re meant to be?

Caught up in love so easily?

Giving you every part of me

How very foolish, I see

We never got the chance

to make memories

you and me

falling blindingly

But it’s all a haze

and I can’t recall

any single day

and while I’m sure you remember me

I still finding myself wishing

we’d made  just one more memory

I thought I would feel better than this already

by blocking you from my sight, my life

but it seems like I just cannot block you from my heart

and that is where I hold all my sadness

Every song is sadder than the last

melodic reminders of everything

that I don’t have

all the things gone wrong

in such a short life

every failure on my own behalf

and each nagging thought that follows

Next time I’ll make a damn playlist

I have a craving for peanut butter

and chocolate

in ice cream

just like I have a craving for you

and breathless afternoons

in my bed

but I guess I can’t have either

so I’ll sate myself

with whiskey

it comes with less regret anyway

Fuck you
I’m in love with you
And you don’t know or you don’t care
It doesn’t matter either
Anyway
I’ve got other crosses to bear

This feeling in the pit of my stomach
like the world is falling away
beneath my feet
or maybe I am being pulled
into some sort of
internal whirlwind
helpless and terrified
This feeling, it visits me
once, twice a day
or more
perhaps it never really leaves
and it’s futile, after all, to count
I’m sure you’ve all had the feeling, too
swirling vortex of fear
and sadness, irrevocably linked
impenetrable, undeniable
wholly unavoidable
and rearing its ugly head
at the worst possible moment
This feeling
I want to bury it
before it buries me
buries me alive

My heart is broken
but it’s still beating,
My feet are bruised
but I’m still moving
My lungs are burning
but they still breathe

I walk it off, walk it off
keep moving forward
Trying to dull the pain
But when I stop
Everything’s still the same

My hair’s a mess
The house a wreck
My inbox full of unread texts
Can’t keep it all in check
But I won’t give up yet

I walk it off, walk it off
keep moving forward
Trying to dull the pain
But when I stop
Everything’s still the same

Miles behind me
Where’ve I been?
Time is history
When does it end?
Or does it just begin again?

I walk it off, walk it off
keep moving forward
Trying to dull the pain
But when I stop
Everything’s still the same

I walk it off, walk it off
And I go on and on and on
I walk it off

Time. It will take time before every rom-com doesn’t make me wonder whether you are my soul mate. It will be a while before the word “love” is no longer synonymous with your name. Sometime in the future I will be able to look back on this, on the time when I was in love with you. I will have loved you, and those feelings will be no more.

But that is not now. In the present, I still love you. My thoughts are still consumed by you and I burn with as many colors as emotions you’ve made me feel. For now, I will take one day at a time and just focus on breathing.

I’ve got time, anyway.

I wrote three poems today

iguessthismakesfour

i just sat down and felt the words that some would perhaps say i’d been putting off for too long

and now i feel whateveritisyouwouldcall

the feeling where you’re no longer weighed down by everything that you let haunt you