the early morning blossoms couldn’t have predicted this
the weatherman had no sixth sense
no siren to warn, no sign posted
this torrent came unforecasted
no cov offered no barricades in sight
just you, and me, and it
and emotions running raw, rampant, and unforgiving
the heavens split and storm ensues
follow me down into the earth
this time wont be our last
I know I haven’t written much of anything as of late, and I’m sorry self. You see the inspiration just won’t come. The words aren’t rushing out to greet the bitter cold air of winter. The paper yellows beneath the inkless pen; neither know if I’ll ever return. The lyrics don’t move me like they used to but the tears are still waiting to fall. They mock me, I know, but what else can I do? ..Yes, all I wanted is one good picture. A picture, a picture, a picture’s worth a thousand words you know. I’ll bet you did, didn’t you? That’s enough now.
what is this love?
so seemingly not to be contained
dancing across my lips
leaving traces of the taste
so endlessly this pain
could it be i made an error in my haste?
and the fire flickers in the dying light
shadows playings across your features and
— for a while everything feels just right
and the hours will wash away, like water over sand —
my eyes wander, focusing on nothing
as i stay still, wringing my hands
somewhere i hear the lone tic-toc
the ever torturous sound
of the smug, mimicking clock
in my throat, my heart is caught
as sure as i thought i was
i now know that i am not
the embers burn on
but the fire slowly dies
and in creeps the dawn
but here i remain
my chest tight as I am
engulfed in a tide of pain
and i have no power to
control this flood of emotion
i will leave the saving to you
He crosses the road with Samantha in his arms. They both stand out; he is wearing a tealish green overshirt and she is in a fuzzy red suit. I said she looked like elmo; he looks like a little old man, but I know better. He talks big but I think deep down inside he means well. He used to make me laugh when I was younger. We would sing and dance in circles with Amanda, my sister. I miss her but now there is Samantha. Despite my dislike of small children she has touched me, somehow. They make quite a pair; grandfather and granddaughter moseying along the sidewalk. The leaves provide a colourful backdrop and I am speechless by the beauty. Autumn is my favourite season by far. Grandpa and I have come a long way. He no longer brings me cookies, but tales of God and angels as though I believe him. I bite my tongue as he speaks because sometimes, just sometimes, he says something simple and truthful. The time we spend together is awkward, but I have come to a new understanding of this man. He used to make me laugh, and now he makes me angry. I remember the tears as he told me the hideous stories of what he thought had happened. I remember the hatred I felt for the man at that moment, the little old man in the teal shirt. I don’t feel that now as he talks about the “shining city” after death, heaven. I don’t believe in it, and I feel like telling it to his face, but I don’t. I know it’s best because I cannot win an argument against this man. He is too set in his beliefs. Even though I am trying to ignore him his voice still filters through, and I listen. I know I will remember these things for years to come, and it’s almost ironic. Almost. Afterall, we are supposed to listen to our elders, are we not? I walk across the street in search of more vibrant leaves. All this time I have been taping them onto a single string of thread diligently, and I realize the leaves over there are much more pretty. They have acquired the vibrancy we all strive for. He is still vibrant, the last leaf clinging to the tree. I feel now, not hatred, but pity. He tells me how he won’t get into Heaven because he is a simple farm boy, but this world is full of beauty itself. I agree on the part about beauty, and am, for a moment, touched. I think about what he says. I don’t understand why he doesn’t think he’ll get into Heaven. If I believed in one I think he would for sure. I’m not sure what sin he thinks he committed, but it can’t be that great. The leaf I pick up feels like felt beneath my finger tips; others feel like wax, fresh and hydrated still. I grab a bunch and carry them back to our porch where the man in the teal shirt is cleaning off his shoe. He is plain to the eyes, but he is the most vibrant person I know. He may have been a little late in his realization of how things work, but I can forgive him his faults. There are things I have learned through the snippets I was not able to ignore that will follow me forever. The leaves I am taping to the thread have fallen, but he is not yet fallen. He clings to the tree, pushing on as far as his Earthly body will let him go, and I know even after he falls he will still be vibrant in our memories. Even those who see him as the simple farm boy he is, will not be able to deny him of that.
when words fall shrill on deafened ears
and the last wave has crashed upon beaten shores
when the sky opens, lightning striking
and the heavens fall to the ground at my feet
maybe then i will be the voice that sooths;
the calming voice
when all the quills move not
and eyes are held unblinking
when all the noise has settled to a distant hum
maybe then there’ll be a choice
when all the drifters stop their drifting
and all the teachers stop their teaching
when the last word has been spoken
and the finally blow’s been dealt
maybe then the seas will part
when the delirium becomes all that we have known
and the dancers trip on moonbeams above the distance suns
our breath will fall to shatters
in the cold and bitter nights
and we will know no other
when all the time has stopped and the world no longer turns
when all the blood stops rushing and the rainbows fade to grey
when all the children stop their singing and the laughter falls away
the clocks will stop their ticking
the hags will stop their bitching
the smiles will stop their faking
and that will be
the end.
i guess i always wanted
to be genius in your eyes
but it never worked out that way
as i always came up short
i thought you knew the world
and were wise beyond your years
but it turns out you were just a little boy
your opinion was all that mattered
but i soon came to realize
i would never mean to you what you meant to me
when you know you’re giving
more than ever will be received in return
it’s time to step off of your electric chair
before the possible becomes the inevitable
and you’re stuck in someone’s web
woven into oblivion
i could not breathe without your say
and i let you twist me grotesquely
i would not argue or complain
for fear that you would leave
but no matter how good i was
you left me just the same
and my tears would fall again
i don’t know how many times i let you
trample down my garden
but i knew one of these days enough would be enough
you could bend and shape me
but i’d never let you break me i
don’t think you knew how angry i’d become
it was more than just a lie,
it was my heart that was on the line
the day i grew the strength to say good bye,
i knew i didn’t need you
i could walk away with my head held high, it was me who would leave you
somewhere along the line i felt the pain and doubled back again
but caught myself just in time, before i crossed that line
i knew if i submitted to your abuse i’d be caught forever
and the better part of me knew
there was something better than you
i see you now and you’re naive
you know nothing of the world you see
you know nothing of the love you waste
and i am better than that
a little wiser i would dare to say
because it doesn’t matter if i’m genius in your eyes
as the first light comes creeping in
i’m still held in your gaze, your embrace
my heart still flutters as you whisper
sweet nothings into my ear and i am yours completely
there are no doubts only moonlit hours of bliss
and when i crawl into bed at night
your name is still on my lips
the face that i see under closed lids
is none other than your own
i’d give up my last breath
to make these moments last longer
for there is never enough time in the day
and in another minute i could tell you
how i love you
but i’d rather have an hour to show you
the faces come and go
and it’s still you i return to
like romeo and juliet sneaking through the gardens
i will await for you
when night falls
infallibly you know i will be there
and i am breathless as i wait
like the magic in the trees
as the wind blows
afraid to speak
to break the spell
but this is not spell at all
this is love love that makes me tremble
and you are the only thing holding me
from floating to the sky, and laying in the mists of the stars
you have induced feelings in me
that have been locked away
without even trying
you have brought out the best of me
and i have nothing but adoration
for the one who lifts me so high
the one who is always on my mind
the one who keeps me awake at 5:12 in the morning
you leave me breathless
promise not to give it back
and when you hold me i can tell
all
the
things
you
never
say
i like to think it means something
and the look in your eyes is not lost on me
this is more than just some vanity fair
and the attraction falls far
skin
the
beneath
i could lay like this without ever wanting more
your skin, your sin, your moonlit eyes
i’m smiling now; as much at your mercy as you are at mine
my pretty doll
[[fill me up]]
these secrets grace my lips
blood red and sweet
the way that n a t u r e made them
i know that’s how you like them
i was falling, and you caught me
you put the stars in my eyes…
pulled
down
the
moon
can we be one?
we were entwined by layers of silk/ i was to afraid to reach out and touch you/ your porcelain skin shining like the halo around the sky those bitter cold winter nights/your breath was not enough of you for me/i needed more – to make you mine/i needed you to be my sweet release/behind closed doors i wanted to make you whole again/your moans echoing off of the walls and into my ears/a pleasure i can never give to you/i would drink of your blood if it pleased you i do so/to feel your essence in me, part of me/if only you were part of me/you’re so much more than the rest – shining so divine/my lips parched aching whispering your name/falling off of my tongue like some sweet prayer/and all i can think of is how sad your eyes are tonight/i could not hold you long enough/nor take away the pain to make you whole once more/but if else prove futile i shall break your fall
you think you’re so fucking special
i bet you’re just waiting for me to agree
what are you trying to prove?
to you? to me?
you’re obviously blind to the message i’m trying to get across
but i guess that’s all okay ’cause it isn’t my loss
i’m not the one playing games like you say
but if this is how it’ll be then i guess i will play
your words, they don’t burn me that deep
don’t think i am fooled by your naivete
don’t come crawling back on your hands and your knees
ive asked you once, can’t you just let me be?