gah! i’m so pissed! i can’t write for shit anymore! maybe i never could there’s no emotion no movement there’s nothing i wish i could write like sigi i wish i wish everything is dead there’s nothing anymore
dear friend,
i am not quite sure i understand why you did what you did. i’m not quite sure why you act like it’s a joke now. i worried. you’re flirting with suicide, in the most dangerous ways. you are my everything. without you, i’d be nothing. everything is so surreal, i can’t deal with the fact that i always lost you. it didn’t help did it? was it me who failed as a friend? or you who failed to talk? was there something i should have been reading into? is it all just a joke to you? why can’t you understand? what kind of games are you playing? it’s not a joke. it’s your life. your life is precious. i know. i watched you grow. i was there with you every step since we met. you are still the one i call when i need guidance. you are still the one that holds me captivated. you are the one who makes me doubt my boundaries. in no other words – i am in love with you. you are my soul mate. i can’t explain how i feel for you. perhaps i’ve discovered another dimension with my love for you. perhaps i’m just awestruck. i’m attached, clinging to your very life. and only you could hurt me in this way. only you knows me so well any more. only you angers me to the point of tears. and every time i kick you out, i only feel worse. i wish you could understand. i love you so much, sometimes it turns to hate. i wish you weren’t human like me. i KNOW you’re better than that. you are something else. enigmatic, charismatic, energetic. and when the night is done we’ll fall back onto the pillows whispering our dreams and aspirations. because those we know are safe with each other. i won’t laugh at yours, nor you mine. we’ll talk late into the darkness as the seconds tick by, catching up or dreaming. our voices will become slurred as sleep paralyzes our bodies. for those moments i will have found catharsis in you, and i will be content. until the morning comes.
dear friend,
do you know why i [love] you? you’re so crazy. you don’t care. you do the things i could never dream. people stare, and you laugh. i [know] you’re better than they ever will be. and i’m jealous. you’re smart, and beautiful. i bet no one [ever] told you that, because they’re all blind? you make me feel better, most of the time, and it’s great. you really think for yourself. you’re such an individual. but society doesn’t value people like you. i don’t understand. i feel like a child, because these concepts come so easily to me. why discriminate at all? why is society so backwards? sometimes i wish to do the crazy things you do, but they’re not me. what i like when i’m with you, is how i feel like i can really do something. i feel [other] worldly, not so naive, compassionate. i feel as though you understand me on some other level. perhaps you hear what i am saying beneath my words? or perhaps you are just comfortable, and it would never really matter if you weren’t listening anyway, because i know i can talk and you won’t judge? i don’t think others can handle you. they can’t see beyond the crazy. they don’t see the world in its true beauty. those poor pitiful humans. you and i, share so much, and yet, we are so unalike. i can be content in my corner. sometimes i really am looking for the spotlight. you are my outlet. you are, pure magick.
This Feeling of Self Worth(lessness) i want to shine like the stars everybody loves them i want to be perfect in my own way i want to sit in the shadowed corned everything quiet and undisturbed so i can listen to my own jumbled thoughts but i want everyones face to turn my way i want them to be captivated by my mere presence i want them to love me because i am [myself] i don’t want to be trapped with this secondhand life i want to be free to speak my mind and follow the impulses of my heart whatever they may be i want to be better better than what i am