Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

Confessions of a Best Friend

May 5th, 2003

dear friend,
i am not quite sure i understand why you did what you did. i’m not quite sure why you act like it’s a joke now. i worried. you’re flirting with suicide, in the most dangerous ways. you are my everything. without you, i’d be nothing. everything is so surreal, i can’t deal with the fact that i always lost you. it didn’t help did it? was it me who failed as a friend? or you who failed to talk? was there something i should have been reading into? is it all just a joke to you? why can’t you understand? what kind of games are you playing? it’s not a joke. it’s your life. your life is precious. i know. i watched you grow. i was there with you every step since we met. you are still the one i call when i need guidance. you are still the one that holds me captivated. you are the one who makes me doubt my boundaries. in no other words – i am in love with you. you are my soul mate. i can’t explain how i feel for you. perhaps i’ve discovered another dimension with my love for you. perhaps i’m just awestruck. i’m attached, clinging to your very life. and only you could hurt me in this way. only you knows me so well any more. only you angers me to the point of tears. and every time i kick you out, i only feel worse. i wish you could understand. i love you so much, sometimes it turns to hate. i wish you weren’t human like me. i KNOW you’re better than that. you are something else. enigmatic, charismatic, energetic. and when the night is done we’ll fall back onto the pillows whispering our dreams and aspirations. because those we know are safe with each other. i won’t laugh at yours, nor you mine. we’ll talk late into the darkness as the seconds tick by, catching up or dreaming. our voices will become slurred as sleep paralyzes our bodies. for those moments i will have found catharsis in you, and i will be content. until the morning comes.

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