Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

for the first time, i felt inescapably human
no better though certainly far worse than everyone else
lost and confused as the world went on
spinning, out of control, all around me
i felt as though i had failed you
shirked my sacred responsibility
to be the one who supports you most
i felt as though i made you pretend it didn’t matter
but i knew that it hurt you still
and it didn’t matter if i knew how i felt
how i felt didn’t matter at all if you didn’t know
and you didn’t
i hadn’t said or done anything to show you
and all my actions said
completely the opposite of how i felt
and i apologize
you see, i was torn between what i thought i believe
and how i thought i should act
and there could be no greater pain than knowing you didn’t know
and worse still, the hurt it must have caused you
as if i would have noticed
i was all about me and this relationship had always revolved around me
though i preached “us” and “we”
i was still all about me
and for once i could see
i could open my eyes
and it was then i knew
there would be no worse possible fate
than to fail you
so I won’t

around my finger your love is wound
silvered band with precious gems
– as though one could place
a monetary value on these emotions
a relationship as multifaceted as any diamond
(and my how these sparkle!)
greeting my every passing glance
(and also those which linger)
reflecting not only the light
but bringing a brightness
to my own self as a smile on my face

how is it that you don’t know how you are my everything my reason for being? how is it that you don’t see i wait with bated breath and force my sleepy head to stay awake just 5 more minutes so i can hear your voice? how is it you aren’t sure that i value none, love no one, cherish nothing above you? how is it you don’t feel that i see you with eyes full of respect and that my love for you is the deepest i could possibly know? how is it i could have let you down when i always felt that even if my actions didn’t show you knew my intent, knew what i meant with every whispered word, and reluctant goodbye i thought you’d be sure to see how you mean the world to me but i was wrong then and i am sorry now and i wish i only knew how to express these thoughts my love, my need for you in everything i do

falling into ecstasy are you? are we?
tumbling below the bottom line
head over feet and heart over mind lips,
and hearts, and stars, and scars
this moment eternally being ours bound by nature,
relinquishing naught
never fading, nor falling off
is this how we chose to be forever you?
forever we?
stumbling blindly, mute lips screaming
grasping for what we’ve been dreaming
lightning strikes and we’re left bare
and with nothing left for us here
the sky is falling
don’t you see crushing you? crushing we?
always you, always we

want to kiss you in the morning
as you leave for the office
want to listen to you in the evening
relaying the day’s events
wanna hold you in the nighttime listening to you breathe
thinking of you in the daytime wanting you near

whispering, daunting
your lips barely touch my ear
come closer, love
let me feel you next to me
let your body mold to mine
now’s not the time for trivial things
look at me, love
tell me that you love me
hold me
caress me gently
just us, love
don’t our tangled limbs spell f-o-r-e-v-e-r
tell me, love
why are we here?

the early morning blossoms couldn’t have predicted this
the weatherman had no sixth sense
no siren to warn, no sign posted
this torrent came unforecasted
no cov offered no barricades in sight
just you, and me, and it
and emotions running raw, rampant, and unforgiving
the heavens split and storm ensues
follow me down into the earth
this time wont be our last

i guess i always wanted
to be genius in your eyes
but it never worked out that way
as i always came up short
i thought you knew the world
and were wise beyond your years
but it turns out you were just a little boy
your opinion was all that mattered
but i soon came to realize
i would never mean to you what you meant to me
when you know you’re giving
more than ever will be received in return
it’s time to step off of your electric chair
before the possible becomes the inevitable
and you’re stuck in someone’s web
woven into oblivion
i could not breathe without your say
and i let you twist me grotesquely
i would not argue or complain
for fear that you would leave
but no matter how good i was
you left me just the same
and my tears would fall again
i don’t know how many times i let you
trample down my garden
but i knew one of these days enough would be enough
you could bend and shape me
but i’d never let you break me i
don’t think you knew how angry i’d become
it was more than just a lie,
it was my heart that was on the line
the day i grew the strength to say good bye,
i knew i didn’t need you
i could walk away with my head held high, it was me who would leave you
somewhere along the line i felt the pain and doubled back again
but caught myself just in time, before i crossed that line
i knew if i submitted to your abuse i’d be caught forever
and the better part of me knew
there was something better than you
i see you now and you’re naive
you know nothing of the world you see
you know nothing of the love you waste
and i am better than that
a little wiser i would dare to say
because it doesn’t matter if i’m genius in your eyes

as the first light comes creeping in
i’m still held in your gaze, your embrace
my heart still flutters as you whisper
sweet nothings into my ear and i am yours completely
there are no doubts only moonlit hours of bliss
and when i crawl into bed at night
your name is still on my lips
the face that i see under closed lids
is none other than your own
i’d give up my last breath
to make these moments last longer
for there is never enough time in the day
and in another minute i could tell you
how i love you
but i’d rather have an hour to show you
the faces come and go
and it’s still you i return to
like romeo and juliet sneaking through the gardens
i will await for you
when night falls
infallibly you know i will be there
and i am breathless as i wait
like the magic in the trees
as the wind blows
afraid to speak
to break the spell
but this is not spell at all
this is love love that makes me tremble
and you are the only thing holding me
from floating to the sky, and laying in the mists of the stars
you have induced feelings in me
that have been locked away
without even trying
you have brought out the best of me
and i have nothing but adoration
for the one who lifts me so high
the one who is always on my mind
the one who keeps me awake at 5:12 in the morning

you leave me breathless

promise not to give it back

and when you hold me i can tell

all

the

things

you

never

say

i like to think it means something

and the look in your eyes is not lost on me
this is more than just some vanity fair

and the attraction falls far

skin

the

beneath

i could lay like this without ever wanting more
your skin, your sin, your moonlit eyes
i’m smiling now; as much at your mercy as you are at mine

my pretty doll

[[fill me up]]

these secrets grace my lips
blood red and sweet
the way that n a t u r e made them

i know that’s how you like them

i was falling, and you caught me

you put the stars in my eyes…

pulled

down

the

moon

can we be one?