Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

for the first time, i felt inescapably human
no better though certainly far worse than everyone else
lost and confused as the world went on
spinning, out of control, all around me
i felt as though i had failed you
shirked my sacred responsibility
to be the one who supports you most
i felt as though i made you pretend it didn’t matter
but i knew that it hurt you still
and it didn’t matter if i knew how i felt
how i felt didn’t matter at all if you didn’t know
and you didn’t
i hadn’t said or done anything to show you
and all my actions said
completely the opposite of how i felt
and i apologize
you see, i was torn between what i thought i believe
and how i thought i should act
and there could be no greater pain than knowing you didn’t know
and worse still, the hurt it must have caused you
as if i would have noticed
i was all about me and this relationship had always revolved around me
though i preached “us” and “we”
i was still all about me
and for once i could see
i could open my eyes
and it was then i knew
there would be no worse possible fate
than to fail you
so I won’t

around my finger your love is wound
silvered band with precious gems
– as though one could place
a monetary value on these emotions
a relationship as multifaceted as any diamond
(and my how these sparkle!)
greeting my every passing glance
(and also those which linger)
reflecting not only the light
but bringing a brightness
to my own self as a smile on my face

how is it that you don’t know how you are my everything my reason for being? how is it that you don’t see i wait with bated breath and force my sleepy head to stay awake just 5 more minutes so i can hear your voice? how is it you aren’t sure that i value none, love no one, cherish nothing above you? how is it you don’t feel that i see you with eyes full of respect and that my love for you is the deepest i could possibly know? how is it i could have let you down when i always felt that even if my actions didn’t show you knew my intent, knew what i meant with every whispered word, and reluctant goodbye i thought you’d be sure to see how you mean the world to me but i was wrong then and i am sorry now and i wish i only knew how to express these thoughts my love, my need for you in everything i do

and in the morning the rain keeps falling
a heart-stained melody to invade my dreams
i’m reminded that it’s time to awake again
however reluctant to peel away from warm sheets
the day is just around the bend,
but i slow hoping that maybe it will wait for me to be ready
alas, how naive of me to think the world even notices
climbing out, eyes groggy, steps shakey
it’s just another morning in a world of rush and i am late again

forgive me in my incoherence
i’ve forgotten to thank you
and thank you i shall
all in good time, my friend
all in good time
funny how i forget – to practice what i preach
and here i am a-preaching,
standing at my pulpit before my congregation
of a thousand worthless saints
one thousand upturned faces
who i’d like to thank for the turnout and
by the way, could you adjust
lighting
makeup
and we’re on in five my congregation of sheep,
with beady eyes
greedy eyes
ready to pounce as soon as i turn my back
i’d like to thank you for your kind words
i’d like to thank you for your appreciation
i’d like to thank you
i’d like to thank you with my body, mind & soul
i’d like to show you my gratitude
right here and now
as soon as i remember to thank you

falling into ecstasy are you? are we?
tumbling below the bottom line
head over feet and heart over mind lips,
and hearts, and stars, and scars
this moment eternally being ours bound by nature,
relinquishing naught
never fading, nor falling off
is this how we chose to be forever you?
forever we?
stumbling blindly, mute lips screaming
grasping for what we’ve been dreaming
lightning strikes and we’re left bare
and with nothing left for us here
the sky is falling
don’t you see crushing you? crushing we?
always you, always we

want to kiss you in the morning
as you leave for the office
want to listen to you in the evening
relaying the day’s events
wanna hold you in the nighttime listening to you breathe
thinking of you in the daytime wanting you near

i’ve grown weary of this game
all is futile, all is petty
all efforts in vain
yet still we try
still we resist to no avail
are dreams never to be realized
the bitter taste of revenge
on the tips of our tongues
as we lash out at those around us
surround us, your majesty
tell us what to do and we shall obey
life is no longer the joyful
gaiety it once was
it drags on and on
so trivial is all seems
where is my avenger?

whispering, daunting
your lips barely touch my ear
come closer, love
let me feel you next to me
let your body mold to mine
now’s not the time for trivial things
look at me, love
tell me that you love me
hold me
caress me gently
just us, love
don’t our tangled limbs spell f-o-r-e-v-e-r
tell me, love
why are we here?

tears
inevitable
unexplainable yet they fall
there are no rains more raging than these falls
no mountains nor hills more wild
no wild be more carnal
wanting, waiting, wishing
your tears, your fears your everlasting sorrow
something tells me to stop
something tells me to go
something tells me no
reaching, rising, ripping
he falls to pieces at your feet
is this how you wanted it to be?