Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

I thought I would feel better than this already

by blocking you from my sight, my life

but it seems like I just cannot block you from my heart

and that is where I hold all my sadness

another tear rolls slowly down
marking its way at it goes
and i am sure to drown

i know it’s such a cliche
but i can’t help but think
everything looks bleak and grey

but the clouds are rolling in
and the world’s a little less bright
my vision becomes so dim

and i don’t understand why
when i’ve been through this all before
there are any tears left to cry

you don’t seem to know
how my heart is breaking
and you won’t let show
the toll this is all taking

the same old song and dance
you pull, i push, we break
just wanting a second chance
to erase our old mistakes

it happens time and again
the same old broken heart
i just don’t understand

You know how I feel
this ain’t no break it deal
but a make it deal
you say it’s too late to feel
anything else

I know it’s not easy
I know that I’m to blame
what I’m asking for
is a lot of hard work
and we may never be the same
Still

What I’ve said to you
is nothing but true
we can make it through
why not give it a shot
if there’s nothing left to lose?

I know it’s not easy
I know that I’m to blame
what I’m asking for
is a lot of hard work
and we may never be the same
Still

When it comes to love
why are we giving up
when you’d called me the one
how could we ever be done
so easily?

I know it’s not easy
I know that I’m to blame
what I’m asking for
is a lot of hard work
and we may never be the same
Still

the clock’s ticking down
while you’re not around
I can’t pretend
that I even understand

I know you don’t know how
or even where to begin
what I’m asking for
is a long road ahead
but worth it in the end

unplug the clock
because it must be wrong
there are too many words
needing to be said
but not enough time
and the minutes fly by
turning into hours
and all i’ve managed to say
are all the wrong things
wasted time
but the seconds tick by
s l o w l y
when you are not here
and all i can do is think
and thinkthinkthink
about what if
and all the wrong turns
we’ve taken
and i am all alone inside my head
i have no control
over any of these forces
or my own thoughts
there’s so many so clear now
and i wish i could tell you
with this clarity
but i see you and it puddles away
unreachable in some far corner
in the back of my mind
and i can feel it there
and it only makes me angrier
because I know I am wrong
but I can’t stop it
just like I can’t stop you now
and I can’t stop the clock
from lying to me
maybe it’s not us
maybe time is the problem
maybe the clock is the enemy

Who are these people
yelling and screaming
kicking and hurting
pushing eachother away?
with every word
another blow
to a deflated ego
another crack
in a broken heart
who are these people
insensitive fools
slinging thoughtless words?
where are we
in moments like these?
surely these people
fighting so hard
crying tears so hot
throats so hoarse
so ignorant to the truth
cannot possibly be
you and me?
don’t we know
that we are different
not like that in the least
we are full of love
compassion and
understanding for one another
we could never succumb
to such mindlessness
counterproductive activity
we are not that
ridiculous
tell me that
those people are
not us

dear world,
has it really been so long since ink graced paper? since fingers tapped keys in a pattern of linguistics – words falling after each other to form sentences, almost as if by themselves. have i neglected you this long out of my own so-called lack of inspiration or has it been fear keeping me from meeting you eye to eye once again?

can i not write as well if there is a smile upon my lips rather than tears streaming down my face – salty streams burning my flesh – and a knot within my throat upon which I choke? is it really so necessary that i be tragic or merely perceive myself as being so in order for words and phrases to lay themselves out in my mind in an emotionally charged pattern of speech?

or do i simply feel no need to shout it to the world now that i see life as worth living? could i honestly forsake myself so? do i have it within myself to cut my successes so short? so overlook all that i have gained rather than which i have lost and can do without?

perhaps s.o.m.e.d.a.y
though whether that day is today, i do not know
i will feel the need overtake me once more
raging in, powerful and deep
threatening my own internal combustion
able to steal the very breath from my lips
and self preservation will drive me
to release it all onto paper
or text onto screen
and my chest will rise and fall once again
cavernous and silent as all returns to normal
the moment passed
the emotion absorbing back into vein
like nutrients to a soul
feeding once more
building up that torrential downpour
of feelings-over-which-i-have-no-control
which will once more beg for release
and i will have no choice
but to acquiesce

I know I haven’t written much of anything as of late, and I’m sorry self. You see the inspiration just won’t come. The words aren’t rushing out to greet the bitter cold air of winter. The paper yellows beneath the inkless pen; neither know if I’ll ever return. The lyrics don’t move me like they used to but the tears are still waiting to fall. They mock me, I know, but what else can I do? ..Yes, all I wanted is one good picture. A picture, a picture, a picture’s worth a thousand words you know. I’ll bet you did, didn’t you? That’s enough now.

This Feeling of Self Worth(lessness) i want to shine like the stars everybody loves them i want to be perfect in my own way i want to sit in the shadowed corned everything quiet and undisturbed so i can listen to my own jumbled thoughts but i want everyones face to turn my way i want them to be captivated by my mere presence i want them to love me because i am [myself] i don’t want to be trapped with this secondhand life i want to be free to speak my mind and follow the impulses of my heart whatever they may be i want to be better better than what i am