Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

Until Next Time

December 29th, 2017

It comes


Or none

a t a l l

there is no in between

and nothing we can do

feast or famine.

Personally, I prefer a feast,

that is, until I have gorged,

reached such gluttony

that I feel sick — to my stomach and of the sight

of the plate or, in this case,

the words

that I have eaten or writ or swallowed (like my pride).


I would scream if it weren’t so damned impolite

Instead, I push away

the plate or the screen.

I excuse myself from the venue

and swear off the glut.

Until next time.

Next time, when I cannot control myself,

or is it that I will not?

Perhaps I’d rather regret indulgence

than experience nothing at all.

Find X (Greater Than One)

December 29th, 2017

Once wasn’t enough, I see that now

I had to have you a second time, then

athirdafourthafifth and more

Once is never enough because

you don’t know if the first time was

mediocre and awkward

because you didn’t know my rhythm

and I couldn’t find my voice

Nor can we know if it was a fluke

that cannot be repeated,

no matter how hard

or how many times

we try

So I had to have you again,

and I have — some of you

Some of you elude me

I wanted you more,

and you gave me less.

And the less you gave,

the more I wanted of you

A vicious cycle to be sure

Sometimes, just sometimes

once is enough

more often than not,

once is too much

it threatens to pull me

every which way

and I cannot

Ironic, I suppose,

that I’ve felt this

compulsion for more,

knowing that once will never be enough,

more than once.


The only time when

once would be


The Easy Way Out

December 28th, 2017

I know I’m not in love with you

And do you know how I can tell?

Because I haven’t written you into a poem, used words to craft your homage

I’m not doing that now, in case anyone asks

and if they ask, I could not tell them why

why I am not in love with you

by this time, I normally am

if this were my first or second or, hell, seventh, heartbreak

I’d be sure of how I feel and what I want

I’m always so sure

ironic, then, how it never works out

maybe the difference is doubt

and I will proceed with caution

and just a bit of trepidation

maybe it will not be incendiary, and that’s okay

or maybe you’re just another not-the-one

that’s the most likely scenario

whether I cannot stop my heart from escaping my chest

or the tsunami of thoughts from overwhelming me

is not the measure of success

just another trip down lover’s lane

a fall that’s all too easy for me

so if I am not in love with you, maybe

maybe I am finally learning not to take

the easy way out

I Miss Him

September 27th, 2016

I miss him
with the strong jaw, the smiling eyes and the tousled hair
I miss him
with the childlike grin and long, lithe fingers
I miss him
all 6-foot-3 and gangly arms
I miss him
with his perfect wordplay and youthfulness
I miss him
with his high cheekbones

I miss the way
he made me feel kind
I miss the way
I felt truly loved for the first time
I miss the way
we fell into bed together
I miss the way
we had to pry away from one another
I miss the way
he slipped his arm around me so easily

I miss all of those hims
and I will miss another again
and again

There will always be a him
and I will always miss him

Or Does It?

March 15th, 2016

It didn’t really matter, did it

That you were seven years my junior

It didn’t really matter, did it

The distance between us

And it didn’t matter

I hadn’t heard your voice

or touched your skin

or hadn’t yet saw the way you rolled your eyes when you laughed

you roll your eyes when you laugh

None of that mattered to my heart

Because it knew you

before I knew any of those things

And I needed to sadly for you to know me, too

It didn’t really matter, did it

that none of that would happen

It didn’t really matter did it,

that fate had a different plan

And it didn’t matter

that I was getting ahead of myself

counting all my chicks before they hatched

imagining impossible futures

and setting myself up for inevitable failure

Because I wanted so much for it to be true

for you to be the one

and for my wait to finally be done

It didn’t really matter, did it

And it doesn’t really matter now

Old Age

February 25th, 2016

My bones creak
they haven’t always
and they feel just fine in between
the squeaking
and the pain
but I don’t think my bones will ever be silent again
Because I am getting older
and you are getting older even as you read this
Maybe you creak too
Perhaps you can’t hear it
over the sound of your own thoughts
My brain used to be that loud
but now it’s quieter
and my bones creak

Deja Vu

February 25th, 2016

I remembered you today
For the first time in months
or has it been years?
I can’t recall
but I remembered you today
and then I remembered
the person I used to be
at the time when
I would never be able to
forget you
And now I’ve forgotten you long enough
to remember you today

Secondhand Opinion

February 14th, 2016

I could sing you a song

about how you’ve done me wrong

Try to use my words to show

but I think we both know

I could put it all in letter

but someone else has already done it better



I could add my voice to the heartbroke chorus

Everyone who came before us

Spin a tale about heartbreak and loss

and wonder if it’s worth the cost

But I’m not even that clever

and someone else has already done it better


I could devise a devious plan

find a way to force my hand

Try to win you over with time

Do everything in my power to make you mine

Promise to love you better

but someone else has already done it better


Maybe I’ll cut to the chase next time

I won’t be so blind or pretend you’re kind

Recognize the blame is only mine

if I put my heart on the line

Break my own heart until it’s shattered and severed

but someone else has already done it better

et tu

January 31st, 2016

and then there’s you

and you and you and you

lurking in every corner of my mind

slipping in and out of my dreams

miles away — yet somehow

always by my side

there you are


why can’t i shake

the thought of  you?

am i, is this, could it be


it couldn’t be

but perhaps

am i blessed

with the thought of you?

and you and you and you

every waking hour

and sleep-filled night

it’s you

and you and you and you

I just can’t get enough of you

if I could have no one and nothing else

I would choose you

and you and you and you


October 11th, 2015

There is no substitute for you

no matter where I go or what I do

This house can’t feel like home

and I’m always alone


I didn’t mean for you to be

the hook upon I’d hang my dreams

Resting so precariously

How very foolish of me


You were the light in the dark

the only one to pierce my heart

Finally I felt alive

Imaginging you by my side


Didn’t see you walk right up

Can I even justify my love?

Had this broken heart for so long

How many months since you’ve been gone?


I didn’t mean for you to be

the hook upon I’d hang my dreams

Resting so precariously

How very foolish of me


And I have so much to say

about how you made me feel this way

Straight to the heart of the things

but you’re not listening


Did I think we’re meant to be?

Caught up in love so easily?

Giving you every part of me

How very foolish, I see

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