Recognition of the First Degree
for the first time, i felt inescapably human
no better though certainly far worse than everyone else
lost and confused as the world went on
spinning, out of control, all around me
i felt as though i had failed you
shirked my sacred responsibility
to be the one who supports you most
i felt as though i made you pretend it didn’t matter
but i knew that it hurt you still
and it didn’t matter if i knew how i felt
how i felt didn’t matter at all if you didn’t know
and you didn’t
i hadn’t said or done anything to show you
and all my actions said
completely the opposite of how i felt
and i apologize
you see, i was torn between what i thought i believe
and how i thought i should act
and there could be no greater pain than knowing you didn’t know
and worse still, the hurt it must have caused you
as if i would have noticed
i was all about me and this relationship had always revolved around me
though i preached “us” and “we”
i was still all about me
and for once i could see
i could open my eyes
and it was then i knew
there would be no worse possible fate
than to fail you
so I won’t