Lyrical Musings an emotional journey via train of thought

Recognition of the First Degree

July 22nd, 2006

for the first time, i felt inescapably human
no better though certainly far worse than everyone else
lost and confused as the world went on
spinning, out of control, all around me
i felt as though i had failed you
shirked my sacred responsibility
to be the one who supports you most
i felt as though i made you pretend it didn’t matter
but i knew that it hurt you still
and it didn’t matter if i knew how i felt
how i felt didn’t matter at all if you didn’t know
and you didn’t
i hadn’t said or done anything to show you
and all my actions said
completely the opposite of how i felt
and i apologize
you see, i was torn between what i thought i believe
and how i thought i should act
and there could be no greater pain than knowing you didn’t know
and worse still, the hurt it must have caused you
as if i would have noticed
i was all about me and this relationship had always revolved around me
though i preached “us” and “we”
i was still all about me
and for once i could see
i could open my eyes
and it was then i knew
there would be no worse possible fate
than to fail you
so I won’t

mind :: numb

July 7th, 2006

the night is calm with darkness
the air is heavy with grief
and the homeless man in the park knows
soon he’ll have to find shelter
’cause the weather’s getting colder and
tonight may be the night he freezes
some punk teenagers drive by
laughing and shouting obsceneties at the frail man
they never knew the pain, always have mommy and daddy
to line their clouds with silver – money, cars, and naivete
it’s what makes the world go ’round don’t you know
the homeless man curls up on the bench
beneath the old oak tree
it was the same when he was a child visiting with his father
his father killed in the accident – his mother the whore
who abandoned him nobody knew his story – nobody cared to ask
just as well he’d always think each night
before falling into those dreadful sleeps of nightmares
he was always alone but tonight was worse
it was a bitter, biting cold chilling him to the bone
his old army jacket was worn to the last threads
and he knew soon the time would come
to find shelter lest he freeze tonight
[sometimes he’d like to freeze]